Straddling Two Cultures

The light is just starting to fade as we arrive at our favorite apéro* spot in Paris. We greet the waiters who recognize us and guide us to the corner of the enclosed outdoor seating. There’s a certain ritual in this nightly event. It involves a tight choreography: being acknowledged, finding our seats, giving our order, then receiving coasters. Next, come the drinks and the little bowl of snacks along with two small water glasses and a water carafe. From that point on, the waiter leaves us alone. We will never be asked to move on. We will not receive the bill until we ask for it. We can stay here as long as we like.

At tables all around us, friends talk and connect, and I soak in the French language as dusk falls and night takes over. Soon, each table gets its own lit candle and small flickers of light hover over faces intent on conversation.

Over the years, we’ve adopted this ritual at our house. It becomes a time to unwind at the end of the day. We often have nuts to go with the chosen beverage of the night. And before supper takes over, it’s a way to slow down and pay attention to living.

I learned a long time ago that, since I grew up with strong ties to two cultures, I don’t quite belong to either of them. And though there are social rules that most people expect you to follow, if you aren’t familiar with them, you start to create your own. So, when I’m in France, I might not fit into the social expectations there and, when I come back here, I might not always fit into the ones here. But I’ve discovered that a respect of people in any place and an attempt at communicating and connecting carries me further than anything else. So, in Paris, a “bonjour” to the waiter and, in Goshen, a “hello” to the cashier go a long way to setting the tone. Remembering that we are all in this together changes my interactions.

Tonight, before we have supper, we’ll share a moment over apéro. We’ll remember our waiters at the local café in Paris who on our last day came and shook our hands and who’ll remember us when we go back in six months. And we’ll reflect on the positive vibes we get when we go to Cortado here in Goshen for our postprandial flat white. And I’ll continue to navigate both cultures with respect and heart.

* (Apéro is a French after work ritual of sitting down with a drink and snacks at a local café among friends.)

Rachel

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